Are you quickly making arrangements for a last minute wedding? I don’t usually encourage a “spur of the moment” wedding. However, there are circumstances that arise in life that may justify getting married sooner rather than later. If you have just found out that you or your partner are being deployed overseas, or a parent is dying, or your partner is terminally ill, you may be considering a last minute wedding.
The main concerns that I have about quick weddings are these: have both parties given some previous thought to getting married, or is this an impulsive decision? Are both of you convinced that you are compatible and have some interests in common? Have you known each other long enough (at least 12-18 months) to know the true personality of the other, their temperament, their spending habits, addictions, spare time activities? There is nothing wrong with a last minute wedding as long as the two of you have done your homework on each other and know what you are getting into.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, has written a helpful article in Psychology Today titled, “How Long Does It Take To Get to Know Someone?” Dr. Goldsmith’s point is: do your homework. You can never ask your partner too many questions. If you are rushing the relationship, you don’t’ have a chance to measure over time if his/her “walk matches the talk.” Getting to know the “real person” takes time!
Getting married quickly should not be a decision that is made in the heat of passion when your brain is not in gear. The heat of passion often fades around 18-24 months. If you want a long term marriage, it is important to have similar values and common interests to sustain your relationship when the passion tank is nearly empty. The good news is, those shared goals and activities often ignite the old flames of passion and keep the fires burning.
If you’ve done your homework, and you think you’ve found the right person, make the commitment and get married! Life is richer with someone to share it.